Pandamonium
by mamapranayama
Summary: There's a viscious creature on the loose and Sam and Dean have to stop it. H/C, Humor.


A/N: Here's another hastily written and unbeta'd fic for the Oh!Sam comment-fic meme on LJ. Written for this prompt by glovered_: Sam gets mauled by an escaped panda or other cuddly animal at the zoo._

**Pandamonium **

**_Atlanta Zoo - 3:38 a.m._**

The creature only has to beat on the door of its cage once before the damn thing flies off its hinges and lands on the hard cement with a deafening bang. Out comes over 300lbs of black and white fur next, looking right at him with midnight, black eyes and murderous intentions.

"Son of a –" He exclaims in alarm.

Dean's instincts are telling him that running away would be his best idea, but his rational mind also recalls that Dean Winchester doesn't run away from anything - especially anything that only eats bamboo -even if this particular one looks like he wants to eat him for dinner instead.

After all, Dean shouldn't be afraid of this - it's a freaking _panda_, for God's sake. But there he is, practically shitting his pants in fear.

And he doesn't need to remind himself that this is no ordinary panda - this is a demon possessed panda and it has only one thing on its mind: kill him and Sam.

Seriously though … a panda bear? Who could possibly be afraid of such a cute, cuddly and mild-mannered creature? He wonders.

He is; that's who.

Sam had told him that this type of low-level demon didn't have the power to possess humans, but he wonders absently why it chose such a usually docile and passive creature over say a tiger or a grizzly bear. Why a panda of all things?

Then Dean remembers Sam droning on and on earlier before they split up - saying something about these types of demons choosing the more docile animals because they were easier to control - or something like that. He really should have paid more attention to what his brother had been prattling on about , but still … at least if he got mauled to death by a tiger, that would be one utterly badass way to go out.

But being killed by a panda? That is definitely not something he wants to be remembered for.

"Hey! Hey! Over here!" Dean turns and sees Sam running up from behind the now snarling animal, waving his arms frantically, trying to distract it from charging after Dean.

_That damned idiot, what the hell is he doing?_

"Sam! Don't!" Dean shouts, but it's already too late. The panda rounds on Sam and roars. Dean didn't even know that they could even make that kind of sound and his stomach drops to his knees as he raises his tranquilizer gun and aims for the creature's back. Endangered species or not, he's not going to let that thing hurt Sam.

"Don't shoot Dean!" Sam shouts back, as if he's sensing Dean's finger on the trigger, ready to shoot the panda full of sleepy juice just before Panda begins to charge. Sam turns instantly and starts to run, the Panda following closely at his heels and running far faster than Dean is certain any of their kind has run before.

Sam takes off, his long legs turning over like an Olympic sprinter and Dean hopes to hell that he has some kind of plan other than getting the beast to chase him through the park. As he takes off after them, he really, truly regrets even coming here.

But Sam had been insistent that they check out the two recent and strange cases of animals suddenly going berserk: the first being a normally friendly koala that suddenly jumped onto its keeper's back and bit him on the neck and the next day it was a river otter that had escaped its enclosure and started chasing screaming zoo patrons around until eventually biting a lady on the ankle.

Dean would have dismissed it all as animals just being…well, animals. Sam however, thought something supernatural might be at work and he was a stubborn ass when he believed there was something they needed to investigate and had practically dragged Dean here. He had been right though. Sure enough, they found traces of sulfur outside the cages of the affected animals and that sent them both off in different directions, trying to cover as much of the zoo in one night as possible.

So here they were now, Sam being chased by a panda and Dean chasing after the both of them. Their job could be utterly weird sometimes, but this really took the cake.

Sam races up the path, heading for a covered pavilion near the gorilla enclosure, the panda just behind him, almost within striking range. He was just underneath the roof of the pavilion when the panda suddenly lurched forward and swiped at Sam's legs, taking his feet out from underneath him and sending him falling down to the ground and skidding along the cement. The panda was on top of him instantly, its claws digging into Sam's pants leg and dragging him back towards it.

"Sam!" Dean shouts, trying desperately to catch up before the bear can do any more damage, but the panda already has Sam underneath him, rabidly ripping at his clothes, and tearing deep gouges into his chest. Sam yells and grunts, fighting desperately against the animal, trying to shove it off of him until the panda opens it huge mouth with a growl and clamps it down on his forearm.

Sam cries out and Dean is close enough now that he can hear an audible snap coming from one of his little brother's bones. Dean howls as anger surges within him. He comes to a skidding halt and raises the tranquilizer gun, but suddenly Sam sees him and starts to shout. "Don't shoot it! Look up!"

Dean's finger is on the trigger of the gun, ready to end this, but he looks up anyway, despite the pained groans and cries coming from Sam.

He sees it clearly then and understands what Sam wants him to do.

A devil's trap hangs above them under the roof of the pavilion. Sam must have put it up there at some point when they split up in the hopes of deliberately luring whichever animal this demon might possess next so it could be exorcized for good.

The demonic panda however, had still yet to notice that it was caught as it's too busy trying to chew Sam's arm off.

"Do it, Dean!" Sam screams at him. The words to the exorcism jump into Dean's brain and he starts rattling off the ancient Latin phrases as quickly as his mouth can spit them out. The panda meanwhile seems to take little liking to the rite and growls in growing anger, increasing its grip on Sam.

Sam's cry of pain makes Dean stop reciting the words then and there and he raises the gun again, ready to end this.

"Hold still, Sam!" Dean shouts at him, so he can get a good shot at the beast.

"No….Dean…keep….keep going!" Sam grinds out, his face breaking out in a dripping sweat as he continues to struggle with the panda.

"Are you crazy?" Dean can't believe this shit and he's fully ready to ignore his brother's pleas and shoot the mother anyway.

"You shoot … it will just…. escape. Exorcism, Dean! … NOW!"

Keeping his gun trained on the animal, Dean reluctantly starts the exorcism again and quickly finishes it with an 'Audi Nos!' at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly the panda's jaws release Sam and it head lifts skyward as black, demonic smoke pours from its mouth with a vicious roar. The bear then collapses all of its weight directly onto Sam, completely unconscious.

"Sam!" Dean reacts instantly, running to his brother and pulling the hefty panda off of Sam's chest by one of its arms. Once free, Sam rolls onto his side, cradling his mangled arm to his chest and groaning. Dean drops to his knees beside of him, his heart beating wildly in his throat. "Hey – let me see, Sammy."

Dean helps Sam sit up and begins taking stock of his injuries. He's got a few gouges across his chest and on ankle that are bleeding sluggishly, but appear to be mostly superficial, but his arm worries Dean the most – it's bleeding heavily and it's clearly broken given the odd angle from which it bends on his forearm.

"Shit, Sam… that was so stupid. What were you thinking?" Dean masks his fear with anger as he strips off his jacket then takes off his outer shirt and begins wrapping the wound and applying pressure, causing Sam to bite his lip and squeeze his eyes shut from the pain.

"Ahhhhh." Sam hisses. "Had to … make sure … it wouldn't… come back."

"Yeah, but you could have told me that before you decided to use yourself as bait, you bonehead. That thing almost … what if it went for your throat? You could have been … " Dean doesn't even want to entertain that thought. "Dammit, Sam…"

Sam opens his eyes. They're clouded over with pain, but he's looking over at the panda lying motionless on the ground beside them. "We gotta … get him back to his cage… can't just leave him." He pants.

"What? Are you nuts? How're we supposed to do that? If you haven't noticed, you're bleeding all over the place. No. we got to get you to a hospital."

"Dean …" Sam looks at him with pain-filled and pleading eyes and dammit it that doesn't work on Dean every time.

Damned little brothers and their stupid bleeding hearts, he grumbles to himself.

"Okay, genius. How are we supposed to lug that bear back, huh?"

Sam turns and looks behind him. Dean follows his gaze and is amazed to see one of the golf carts the zoo uses to ferry people around the park sitting there as if waiting for them.

"Dude, you jacked the zoomoblile?"

"'s'called planning, Dean." Sam mumbles, his eyelids slowly blinking.

"Hey now … no getting sleepy on me here. Think you can walk to the cart?" Dean asks, keeping a hand on Sam's shoulder to keep him from swaying. Sam's head is starting to dip down, but he nods weakly.

Dean helps Sam get to his feet, carefully wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him and taking up most of his weight as they hobble slowly over to the vehicle while Sam attempts to stifle a groan with every step they take until they reach the cart. Dean gently sits Sam down on the front seat, trying not to jar his wounds, but Sam sucks in a gasp of pain anyway.

"The panda … Dean … get the panda." Sam demands, clenching his jaw.

Dean huffs in irritation, but mostly it's worry because Sam looks like he's about to pass out and he'd rather not have to lug a bear twice his size onto the zoomobile when Sam needs medical attention. But, Sam is right, they can't just let the panda lay there, it was bound to wake up soon.

Dean jumps behind the wheel of the cart and drives it up next to the prone, unconscious bear. Just to make sure that the panda wouldn't wake up again, Dean shoots the bear with the tranquilizer and gets to work.

He's moving mostly on adrenaline, because whenever he glances back at Sam, he looks worse, paler and possibly getting shocky, so there's little time to waste. He's sweating profusely while every other word out of his mouth would have made a sailor blush, but somehow he manages to get the panda onto the back of the cart, drive it back to its cage and drag it back inside.

Dean races back to the zoomobile when he's finished and finds Sam looking like he's on the verge of puking and there's a glassy look in his eyes, but thankfully he's still conscious and sitting upright.

"Panda okay?" Sam asks, mumbling, turning his head and trying to focus on Dean through the haze of pain he is in.

"Yeah." Dean replies curtly, getting the golf cart moving as fast as its tiny wheels can go.

"Good …" Sam sighs wearily, "Thanks."

"Why do you care so much about the damn thing? It almost bit your arm off."

"S'not its fault … " Sam seems to be losing his battle to stay lucid and keep muttering. "he was possessed… couldn't let Ling-Ling get hurt."

"Ling-Ling?"

"it's s'name, jerk."

Dean shakes his head, leave it to Sam to know the frickin' Panda's name. "Whatever."

**_Peachtree Orchard Motel, 32 hours later._**

Sam shifts uncomfortably on the bed, trying to type one-handed on his laptop while his other arm is casted and being held up in a sling across his chest. Given the lines of pain crossing over his face, Dean knows that it's time for his next dose of painkillers.

All in all, Sam got off pretty lucky this time. Dean was able to pass off his injuries as a dog attack and the over-worked and understaffed doctors at the ER asked few questions as they stitched Sam up, set his broken arm and sent him away with some heavy-duty narcotics and anti-biotics.

Dean Flicks off the TV and grabs a glass of water and two tabs of Sam's pain meds, then taps his distracted brother on the shoulder, practically shoving them in towards him.

"Thanks." Sam grins at him weakly, looking up from the screen. He knows that Dean is still pissed at him for the whole panda thing and he's apologized more times than Dean can keep track of, but now that the danger is past and they've both had a little down-time, that anger has dissolved some.

"What are doing? You better not be looking for another hunt, 'cos you've got at least another week of laying in that bed watching terrible daytime TV and re-runs of Golden Girls to look forward to."

"I'm just doing a little reading, that's all."

"'Bout what?"

"Uh …" Sam starts, a little embarrassed, shutting the laptop closed, "nothing …"

"Right …" Dean grins, "it's porn, isn't? It's okay, Sam. I know you're curious about your body and how the mysteries of sex might work."

Dean shamelessly uses Sam's inability to use both hand to snatch the computer off of Sam's lap and open it up to discover just what it was that Sam was hiding from him.

"Oh my god …." Dean breathes, looking at the webpage Sam had been reading.

"Adopt a panda?" Dean sputters as he reads from the computer, "donate five dollars a month and get an 'I heart Ling-Ling' t-shirt, coffee mug and poster for your wall."

Sam turns a deep shade of crimson.

"Are you kidding me? You just got mauled by this panda and now you want to give it money?"

Sam shrugs innocently. "What? It was the demon that bit me, the poor panda was just possessed. And besides … look at him chew on that bamboo ... you gotta admit he's kinda cute."

Dean rolls his eyes. "Whatever, just don't wear that moronic t-shirt anywhere near me in public. I don't want any of your dorkiness to rub off on me."

He hands the computer back to Sam with a hidden grin that he keeps on the inside.

Damn little brothers and their stupid, emo, overly empathetic, and wonderfully good hearts.

**The End**


End file.
